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  • Vivienne R Reich

Measuring Our Love On How Much We Grieve.


So many of us have cried a river after our loved one died. And rightfully so. Our world was shattered and torn apart. Everything has changed. There is not one widow or widower out there that their lives did not change immensely after the loss of their loved one.

So they have died and we will of course continue to grieve, mourn and be in pain, a natural process in this journey...But, what happens after a period of time when we feel just a little better that day..

Maybe you took a walk and saw the sky and sun and it made you feel cheerful for that moment.

Or had lunch with a friend and somehow that day turned out to be better than expected, or maybe you were up that night trying to sleep and your favorite comedy show was on and you smiled at the joke that was said.

And then you felt horrible… Horrible for feeling ok at that given moment…

And you asked yourself.. How could I ? How could I smile ? How could I even have the wanting to feel better ?

He is not here ? He is gone … He suffered so much… How can I even smile after all he suffered ? What is wrong with me ?

Is it that I don’t love him ?

No, I do love him and that is why I will never be happy again !

I am not suppose to ever be happy again..

This is my new life without him…

I will die alone and unhappy….

Are You Doing This ?

Are You Measuring Your Grief With How Much You Loved Him ?

Do you feel that if you smile or have joy only for a moment then you feel guilty ?

Do you feel that maybe if you feel a little better than it means you are not mourning him ? And therefore you feel you are disrespecting him or worse, not being in pain means you don’t love him enough ?

Now, let’s take a look on what the word LOVE means:

As it is defined in the dictionary:

an intense feeling of deep affection.

So the definition of love is... an intense feeling of deep affection ?

So why do you think that in order to prove to yourself that you LOVE him, you will never be able to smile, laugh or just feel joy if not for a moment ?

That an immense feeling of guilt occurs at the moment you feel any relief from your grief ?

Now I understand the feeling of grief and sorrow after our loved ones pass… We love them and therefore we miss them so much.. And our hearts are broken in half..and they took part of that heart with them when they left this earth...Grief and sorrow is not only normal but necessary in the healing process.

But what so many of us do is that we measure our grief by the love we had for them.

We continue to allow ourselves to remain in a state

of pain and grief in order to prove our love for them and therefore we measure our amount of grief with the amount of pain in which we live in.

We feel as widows that if we smile or just feel Ok for that moment we are breaking the bond of love that we had for our spouse.

Love is what is inside your heart, not the actions you do. If you smile...it does not mean you love him any less..If you have a good day...It does not mean your love for him is diminishing.

Allow your smile to come through without guilt...Enjoy the moment when the pain is not at your forefront. It is those moments that actually bring the love you shared together out.. It is in those moments when they look down at us with relief in knowing we can smile once again..

The love you had for your spouse can not be measured with grief. It can not be measure with unhappiness or sorrow. It can only be measure with LOVE.

So try to find joy and love in your life...The smile in your face, the joy in your heart will not mean you are forgetting them. It will not mean you don’t love them.. It only means that you are healing…..


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