Little Moments Over Many Decades
I am saddened that I no longer have my husband of 31 years by my side. Over three decades I spent with this man. It was three decades that flew by so quickly. But I am also saddened because there are not many people in my life from those three decades.
We did not only lose our husbands but we lost that special part of us that existed in those decades we were together with them.
We were both only 17 when we said I do. We grew up together. We married as young teenagers and become adults together.
I am a huge fan of the show This Is Us. For those that may not follow this show, there are two characters named Kevin and Sofie. They were childhood friends that later married. Although the marriage did not work out they hold a special bond that no one else can match due to all the years they have known each other. This last episode stirred me up. Because part of it was about those little moments they shared together as kids and as a young married couple.
It made me think about how I have lost that person that held those memories with me. My husband not only knew my parents who are now gone but he knew my grandparents too. I can't share stories with anyone because only one or two people that I am still in touch with knew my parents. My husband was there for my grandmother's death, grandfather's death, my mom's death, and dad's death. He knew the whole history of all of them.
I feel I am now the sole owner of those memories. Not only the memories of my family but also those "Little Moments" we shared together.
No one will remember how we were at the movies watching Tootsie and the projector stopped. Or the time I lost my pendants and we searched the hotel lobby we were staying at until I found it. Or the time we were on vacation and took our rental car from Avis on a ferry in New Orleans across the Mississippi River. How we laughed if the ferry went down and we would have to call Avis and tell them their car was at the bottom of the Mississippi River.
Life is not measured by the huge moments. It is those little moments that we remember the most. It is those moments over the decades which now we are the only ones that hold the key to them.
After the show, I felt compelled to pull out the many videos of our vacations. I have not watched them since returning to the house we shared. I am so grateful to have taped so many of those little moments..To be able to see him alive.. at least in those movies.
To hear his voice, laugh at his jokes, and to see his love for me.
My tapes go back to 1990. And there are so many of them I could probably watch one every day for 4 months.
There I see our youth in our 20's. Our immaturity. And then the other decades that follow I can see a more mature couple evolving through the videos. But it is the love we had for each other that truly stands out, that kept growing with every decade that past..
After watching about two hours I had to stop. While I was seeing the video I was mesmerized and I was surprised just how much I still remembered from 1990 and the trip we took together that year. After it was over.. I cried and cried and cried.....
We didn't just lose them. We lost those decades too. We lost those little moments that now no one knows they existed except us.
Time goes by so quickly. Death can happen so suddenly. And all we have left are the memories that once those decades existed.
Yes, they sure did.
Peace & Love,